While nurturing a child is undoubtedly one of the most precious and important tasks of a parent. Self care for the new parent should not be neglected.
Doing this as a single parent, a stay at home mom or even someone that works outside of the home is challenging enough. Having little to no community to get support from can make you feel like you are at your wits end.
But, do you know that there are little ways that you can still personally thrive while keeping your little one safe and secure? In this post, I’ve outlined the key things that have preserved me while parenting alone. I’m simply calling this self care for the new parent!
These tips have helped me to me able to take care of me and baby with no other family around!
1. Pick one thing to do for yourself everyday
During a weekly call with my nurse while I was pregnant, she said to me, “You’d be lucky to get a shower once you have the baby”. Oh no, no way, I thought.
If you know anything about me, you will know that I treasure an evening cleanse. Washing off the grime at the end of the and slipping a clean body into fresh sheets is almost a ritual for me. I’m someone who struggles to sleep if I haven’t showered. So, I said to myself that my ONE goal, for myself, after I had sweet baby girl would be to shower everyday. I decided if I could accomplish that, that would be a good day.
So, what is one thing that makes you feel good that you can accomplish on a daily basis? Take a quick run through of a good day for you.
That something that makes you feel relaxed,
Cozy,
Happy,
At ease?
A cup of coffee, tea, a shower, watching a favorite movie, show or YouTube personality?
Let that be a starting point to start to work into your day. Something that you can also break down into steps that can be interrupted.
Try and do something nice for yourself everyday. Something to renew your body, your mind, your soul.
2. Be Efficient
You need to do what you can a quickly as possible. When you have no help, you have to be efficient.
Break down your tasks into steps and think about the fastest way that you can complete a task.
For instance, that shower I wanted needed to be streamlined and broken into steps that can be interrupted.
In the early days, my sweet baby would be asleep during my shower. As soon as she goes down to sleep I RUN straight into the shower. Now sometimes, baby is still awake but playing independently. However, as you know, babies aren’t predictable, at least mine isn’t.
I have absolutely no idea when sweet baby girl may wake up during my shower. I don’t know when baby will all of a sudden get upset during independent play time. So having a streamlined system has helped me greatly.
For example, I do not wash my hair in the shower anymore. Having a screaming baby when you’re wet from head to toe with sudsy hair does not set the stage for you to deal with a situation where you need to be a source of calm. So I break down how I wash into steps that can be interrupted.
First, I wash my face, neck and ears (this really ups that clean feeling for me when I’m not washing my hair) and rinse. Next, wash the target areas (the pits and bits), rinse, and then quickly follow with the rest of the body. If baby stays settled, I can enjoy the water for a little longer. This only takes only a few minutes, I get that clean feel and I’m ready to attend to baby both mentally and physically.
With this method, it just takes seconds to quickly rinse and jump out of the shower at any point.
You could apply this concept to anything. Do something that relaxes you. Break it down into steps so that you can stop to attend to your baby as needed. This way you can still consciously practice self care and still be available for your little human.
3. adopt a routine!
This is arguably the biggest tip in self care for the new parent.
There is power in routine!
It gives you a sense of control even on days when you feel, much like chicken little, that ‘the sky is falling’.
A very lovely lady on the internet, Diane in Denmark, through her wonderful blog, is helping me to feel more like “I’ve got this”.
Actually feeling in CONTROL of the day, which can be quite crazy with an infant.
She is the embodiment of the joy and freedom we get when we follow routines. She teaches about how to implement the Fly Lady System. A Fly Lady guru if you will. And truly so! Her approach is not to be rigid about it. She is so encouraging and adds , as she aptly puts it “a bright spot in your day”.
The fly lady method centers around house chores. It encourages you to do just ONE thing at a time in baby steps. Then, at the end of a 31 day period, you will have a system that works and will continue working for you. This system will help you gain control of so many aspects of your life. You will find time where you couldn’t imagine it existed.
I’m still in the process, but simply being able to put to paper the things that I need to get done in the morning and evening has a been a wonderful start. It is a huge help in decluttering my brain and holding me accountable to doing what I want to do.
4. Be FLexible
Regarding routines, there seems to be an idea of stress associated with it. A dictate that things need to be regimented.
Let’s do away with that idea.
It’s a stress inducing lie.
When you have a tiny human that relies on you for everything, no matter what your personality type is, you need to learn how to deal with unpredictability.
It’s actually part of life.
It is a necessary aspect of growth.
I’m finding more joy in mothering my sweet girl every time I let go of the “this is how it’s supposed to be” or “this is the age-appropriate schedule” in my head.
Who even knows where those rules come from? Through all the rules, schedules, self care and suppose-to’s, we need to keep realizing that we have a new life to care for and protect.
It is truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience because this is the only time you have with that particular baby at that stage that baby is in! Make the most of it! So self care for the new parent requires you to be able to assess the situations you find yourself in so you can react appropriately.
5. SElf care for the new parent demands that you Don’t Be Mad at your baby
So, this may sound strange but, don’t get mad your baby. It takes a clear mind to troubleshoot why baby is fussy.
A lot of the demands of your baby can become frustrating.
Think to a time when poor baby was fussing so much and you were about to do something important. Maybe just feed your growling stomach or be at a doctor appointment. But anyway, you keep your cool through the initial fussing. You feel sympathy for your baby and gently rock her, and after exercising a great amount of patience on your part, she finally starts to calm down.
When you think it’s all over, she starts to wail again.
She doesn’t want you to put her down.
No, you’re not allowed to eat, go to the bathroom, be anywhere in a timely manner…
In moments like this, I remind myself that there’s one adult in the room and it’s me. My poor frustrated baby has limited communication. And honestly, even though I don’t know what all the various cries mean, all I am required to do in that moment is to be be there for my baby. This is a wonderful way to experience self care for the parent. When you acknowledge your child fully and give them your complete focus you will find peace.
So, let everything that seems more important wait because, guess what? Baby will eventually stop fussing and then life can go on. And it will go on more pleasantly.
6. Ask for help
Not many people talk about the loneliness of parenthood. Loneliness is a very common feeling among parents. Especially when you may be spending long days taking care your baby.
Whether it’s the fact that you are unable to make it to gatherings with other adults due to baby’s unpredictability, your uncertainty, or just not having people around you who may be at the same stage in life. Whatever it may be, ask for help.
You need to eat, tidy and clean up and other general life activities.
It’s actually impossible to do it alone.
There is something about a tidy house that helps us feel at ease and helps that relaxation feel that I was talking about earlier. As a mother who has been struggling all alone, my dear husband, who is half way across the globe, has surprised me with tools that have made my life easier. For starters, a robot vacuum that also mops! I don’t have to vacuum or mop manually again. I get this set up for when I’m off on errands or grocery shopping with baby and come back to a clean apartment.
In the early days, when I was literally up all night, he sent me a Mama Roo that helped to rock sweet baby girl to sleep. When your back hurts and your arm is getting cramped and your getting a crick in your neck from rocking your baby with no one to help, a Mama Roo comes in clutch! It helped me get much needed rest and some reprieve for my tried muscles. I am able to relax into my adjustable bed which I can adjust to cradle me and has massage functionality to boot! It’s just one of those little things that can make a huge difference at the end of the day!
7. Be Gracious to yourself
Self care for the new parent requires a lot of grace for oneself.
Your life has changed because you have a baby so maybe you need to relax a little and adapt to a new normal.
For instance, if you’re someone like me that likes everything picked up and tidy at all times. There will be some messes that may have to wait so you can focus on your little one. If you feel like something has to be done a certain way at a certain time, try to ease up about. Growth.
Breathe. Enjoy your baby. Know that you can only do so much.
As time goes on, you can slowly implement systems that help you feel better about your surroundings. This will help you stay in control. It will also allow you to give enough time and attention to your little one. This will save you from any guilt. You will be taking good care of your self and be a highly successful parent.